Emmett The Experienced
by Paranoid Pessimist
Summary: Emmett was bored so he sets up his own website. A website in which people give him random things to do, and being Emmett the Experienced, he has to do it all. What kind of trouble will this vampire get in to? Read on to find out. Emmett's P.O.V
1. The Bald Squirrel

**Author's Note:**Hey guys!This is just a little thing that I will for sure update almost daily. It's just an idea, and I need something to help me get over my Writer's Block.

**Please check out my story for FictionPress, Bleeding hearts. The link is in my profile, and the story accepts Annonomus Reviews :)**

**Summary:** Emmett was bored so he sets up his own website. A website in which people give him random things to do, and being Emmett the Experienced, he has to do it all. What kind of trouble will this vampire get in to? Read to find out :)

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I finished typing up the paragraph and clicked the little 'Submit' button at the bottom of the computer screen. I made myself comfortable in the computer chair and waited for a response. A couple minutes later, the computer 'dinged'. Yes! I looked through a reply that was sent from **CleanFreak101**. _What a weird name_... I thought.

_Dear Emmett the Experienced,  
If you truly are that courageous and experienced...  
Vacuum your yard._

_-CleanFreak101_

_P.S Tell me how it works out for you._

Vacuum the yard. Easy stuff, I snorted. _And they call this courageous, try swimming across the gulf of Mexico in a day. _Grabbinng the Vacuum from the closet, I started making my way towards the door. Edward was, of course, cuddling on the couch with Bella. _What else would he be doing? Oh well, gotta go vacuum the yard_.

His head snapped up and he gave me the 'are you insane?!' look. I just shrugged it off and walked out into the Backyard. I plugged the power cord into the outside outlet and turned the vacuum on. It started to suck up the leaves, grass, sticks, everything that was in it's way.

Still holding the vacuum, I looked down at the grass, and I saw an ant with my super vampire sight. "Ohh! I'll call you Ant..Antonio!" Being to wrapped up in my own little world, I didn't notice that I wasn't holding the vacuum anymore. That is... until I heard a loud screeching noise.

I looked up to see that the vacuum had caught hold of a squirrel's tail and was now pulling it across the yard. I ran and unplugged the cord. The squirrel freed it's tail from the vacuum, and I noticed that it's tail was bald, fur-less. The squirrel looked up at me and I could swear it glared. My eyes widened as it started to run towards me.

"Helllpp! Evil squirrel! out to get me!" I tried to open the back door, but it was locked. Hearing a high pitched giggle, I knew who it was immediately. Alice. "Open up! You don't understand! This squirrel is mutated! It wants to kill me!" Not having time to negotiate, I ran down the road.

**-Later that Day-**

_Dear CleanFreak101,  
I suggest that you never try to vacuum your yard.  
No matter how dirty it is.  
Or else, you might get chased down by a squirrel for a whole two and a half miles.  
And people might think your crazy if you knock on their doors and tell them to let you in because there's a squirrel that wants to kill you.  
Overall, you might just get a couple weird looks..._

_-Emmett the Experienced_

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**So what do you think? Yay? Or, Nay? Review please :) **

**-Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen**


	2. FootBall Field

**Author's Note:** 18 reviews for the first chapter! Thank you dearly to all of my reviewers! It's not very funny, But I hope you like Chapter 2!

**Please check out my story for FictionPress, Bleeding hearts. The link is in my profile, and the story accepts Anonymous Reviews :)**

**Summary:**_ Emmett was bored so he sets up his own website. A website in which people give him random things to do, and being Emmett the Experienced, he has to do it all. What kind of trouble will this vampire get in to? Read to find out :)_

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Sitting on the chair I took a peek at the window and saw that the bald-tailed squirrel was sitting on a tree branch, glaring at me! The computer dinged and I jumped a foot in the air. Walking up to the computer, I kept my gaze directed on the squirrel. I opened up the message that was sent from, **FootBallFreak5.**

_Dear Emmett the Experienced,  
I read your last adventure and I was LMAO!  
Poor Squirrel._

_Anyway,  
There's a football game today, Bears vs. Colts,  
If you truly are so courageous,  
Run across the football field without a shirt on, during the game._

_LOL Good Luck!  
-FootBallFreak5_

I made a face as I read the first paragraph. _Run across the field during a football game! yes! I've always wanted to do this._Edward chose that time to walk into my room. He shook his head. "No Emmett, I'm not going to help you." I just stuck my tongue out at him, "Spoil Sport." He turned and walked out of the room.

Speeding down the stairs, I cautiously opened the door and peeked around. The squirrel sat at the right corner of the house, as soon as it saw me, it advanced towards me. I screeched and ran into my car, slamming the door shut before it could get it.

Speeding down at 250 MPH, I got to the football stadium in 10 minutes. I got out of the car and used my super speed to get past the ticket booth guard.

I watched the game and saw that they were still in the fist half. Quickly turning, I found my way to the first class seat and I took my shirt off quickly. Giving an Indian cry, I ran out into the field. Right in the middle of the players. Most of them stopped to look at me, and a couple started to run after me in hope of getting me tackled.

I dodged all of them and kept running. The coaches and referee started to get furious, and the mascot decided to take a dive at me. But of course, I was quicker. The fans in the stands started to cheer me on. I grinned and continued to run around the frustrated football players who couldn't catch me.

Lifting my hands up in a cheering motion, I ran out of the stadium. Several guards tried to chase me down, but I ran to my car and sped away laughing. _That was fun!_

As I parked the car in the garage, I was still laughing manically. Using my vampire sped, I opened the front door to the house and quickly closed it behind me. Haha, the Damn squirrel doesn't stand a chance against me.

As I walked to the living room, Bella was talking on the phone, flustered. I could clearly hear who was on the other line... Charlie.

"Hey Bells, Jake and Billy are sitting here with me watching the football game." Charlie greeted casually on the other line.

"Oh R-really?" Bella stuttered.

"Yeah, and during the first half of the game, a teenager that looked just like Edward's brother, you know the muscular one? Yeah, he ran through the Field during the game! It was crazy!" Charlie seemed amused, and I could hear the dog muttering something in the background.

"Oh, Emmett was r-r-ight here. W-watching the g-game with uhm C-Carlisle."

"Oh must have been a coincidence then. But I swear, it look Exactly like him. Billy sat next to wide eyed while Jake glared at the TV. Huh, Weird.", Charlie silenced for a while and then continued, "I swear, It look Exactly like him." He mumbled the last part to himself. "Anyway, have a good time, Bells. Get home by 10."

Bella said her goodbye and hung-up the phone.

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**-Later That Day-**

_Dear FootBallFreak5,  
Did you see my on TV? I bet you did. Hah.  
Anyway, I would suggest not ever trying to run across the football field during a game.  
or else, your Soon to be sister in Law might get a call from her father and best friend, trying to figure out why her soon-to-be husband's brother is running like a crazed person._

-Emmett the Experienced.

**I know, it wasn't THAT funny. But still, the idea of Emmett running through a football game got me cracking up.**

**-Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen**


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